Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Dear Connor,

I was thinking this morning, as I got my babycenter.com update that I would be 36 weeks pregnant with you today and instead you will be two weeks old tomorrow! I will tell you that I was really scared and nervous (and also really excited) when we found out two weeks ago today that we would be meeting you on the 16th or 17th of December. I knew we were in good hands, but it didn't stop your daddy and I from shedding a few tears. So many emotions all in that one moment and little did I know the myriad of emotions that would follow in the next two weeks. I was scared because I didn't know what you would need medically when you entered the world -- you needed a few things, but you have done so well. I am so proud of you, my strong little man.

We have documented every move you have made since you arrived -- we fell head over heels in love with you the minute we saw you and we haven't looked back since. I can't wait to hold you and snuggle with you everyday and watch you grow. You have been learning how to eat out of a bottle and breastfeed these days and I have been overwhelmed with pride watching you learn and figure things out. You just seem too little to do some of the things you do, in my opinion, but really you are not, you are just doing what you need to do. I love to watch you while you eat, sing to you and read to you (the Twilight series, I am not proud of it, but I am totally addicted to it! We are on book three and I think I enjoy it more than you -- you just fall asleep!) and watch how you hold onto your pacy while you suck on it. I know that you recognize your momma and daddy -- you always watch us when we talk to you and you immediately calm down when one of us walks into the room.

It is still hard for me to watch you live in the NICU, but I am getting better. You have had some issues with reflux (a very common problem with preemies) and it is breaking my heart. I just can't stand to watch you in pain -- it literally breaks my heart. Heaven help the first person that is mean to you, I don't know what I will do or how I will handle it. I have started holding you (and daddy holds you when he is here) after you eat for awhile and it seems to help you out. I know you are where you need to be, but we are looking forward to breaking you out of here and getting settled at home. We can't wait to show you your room and your sweet doggies! We have been bringing home things you have worn and they LOVE to smell you. Daddy starts his "paternity leave" next week and we can't wait!

Above all we just love you. As silly as it sounds, you were meant to be our little boy and our family is now where it should be. We look forward to everyday and watching you grow into a sweet little boy. I feel like I am already more fulfilled than I ever imagined as a parent and I promise to be the best momma I can be.

We love you Connor Francis Johnson.
Love, Momma and Daddy

1 comment:

Angela said...

Ellen, you're amazing! I think Connor is going to LOVE having these little letters to read when he grows up. And of course, I love reading all the updates and I can't WAIT to meet him!! On a side note, my mom is obsessed with Twilight as well, she read the first two books in a few days and is on the hunt for book #3! haha