scooter, jr.: What They Don't Tell You...

Connor and I were watching Oprah yesterday (I use the term "watching" very loosely - I was so tired we were kind of dozing in and out!) and the subject was Celebrating Mom's - What No one Tells You. I think it was a wonderful program to have and I think it is such a great thing for new mom's - to know they are not alone. Becoming a parent is unlike anything else in this world and I think it is so wonderful that the women on the show weren't afraid to speak out and be honest. Being a parent isn't all peaches and cream and it feels good to know that you are not the only one that thinks that. So, it got me thinking about my own list of things people don't tell you. There are certain things you have to learn on your own - that initiate you into the sisterhood of mom's - but that is labor speak and no one needs me to get into that! Here goes my list...

No one tells you just how much you are going to love your baby. I had heard people describe it as a feeling like nothing else -- but I had no idea. My heart aches sometimes because I love him so much. I look at the world in a completely different way than I did three months ago. I truly know what it is like to know that I would do anything in the world for him - I get hot flashes thinking about the possibility of anyone doing him any harm.

No one and nothing can prepare you for the lack of sleep. It is so difficult to function some days it was all I could do to brush my teeth in the first few weeks - and some days I didn't even accomplish that! It is something you have to live through to understand - and to understand why and how you would do it all over again for the precious moments with your sweet angel.

No one tells you that your relationship with your husband is going to change. It was a tough adjustment on Bj and I. I had so little patience from aforementioned lack of sleep that I felt like we constantly argued the first few weeks. What I didn't realize at the time was that we would come out stronger and closer. I feel so connected to him in more ways than when we were a childless couple. I love watching him with Connor - he is an amazing father.

No one tells you that you just feel different. I know I am the same Ellen as before but I somehow just feel different. I think I realize it most at work when I am just me - I don't have to take care of Connor, I just have to work. When I get home I slide back into the role of momma - it is not something I can explain, I just feel different. Good different, just different.

I used to love crime shows and I could watch anything. I can't anymore. I get absolutely panicked watching anything that involves children and their pain. I find myself clutching Connor and having a terrible pain in my heart at the thought of anything happening to him. It is there and it's amazing. You really have a bond and know exactly what your baby needs from the minute they arrive. On the other hand - it is so helpless and painful when you can't fix the crying.

You just don't know how hard, tiring, emotional, draining, exciting, fulfilling and amazing the whole experience is until you go through it. I keep telling Steph I am so excited for her to feel what I am feeling - she is going to be an amazing mom and I can't wait for her to experience the utter amazement and joy at meeting her baby for the first time.

I knew I would love being a mom - I have always wanted to be a mom. I wasn't prepared for some of it - but I feel as though we are rolling with it around here. It was really refreshing to know that I am experiencing and feeling the same things that other mothers feel. Sorry for the honesty - I just wanted to share.