Saturday, January 9, 2010

5 Years...

In some ways it is so hard to believe that it has been 5 years already. That is until I think about all that has happened in five years, all that he has missed in five years. Sometimes I really can't believe that he wasn't here to walk me down the aisle and see me marry Bj or there to share in the excitement of his first grandbaby, or the pride as his son is about to become a fire fighter. All of the little moments in between too - the laughing with my mom about something, seeing a good movie or enjoying times with friends and family. All of the huge things that have happened in our lives that he has missed. I still sometimes am blown away by the fact that no matter how good I am or how much I pray or miss him, we really will spend the rest of our lives with out him. I miss him so much sometimes I really can't think about it - on the days when I wish I could hear his voice or have lunch with him - I look at Connor and see his little birth mark and I am overcome with a sense of peace - he really is watching out for us. He is taking care of us as our guardian angel and he knows that we are all doing well and taking care of each other. I like to think that he really isn't missing out on anything, he is just seeing it from a different perspective. For the first time, I was home on the anniversary. My mom always takes everyone to Pat's Bar and Grill (my dad's favorite place) for dinner as a thank you for everyone who has been there for her, and a way to be together on a tough day. It was a really nice night - we had good food, good friends, family and conversation. It really hit me at the table though just how we didn't just lose a dad and husband - those closest to us lost a best friend, son, son-in-law, uncle, and brother, brother-in-law and grandpa. Being with everyone we love sure made the night a little easier - I thought about all the fun and happy memories and not the painful memories of the day. I took a few other pictures, but I will post those later - the highlight was Frankie in the bar! Thank you for listening :) Oh, and be on the look out for an exciting post about what happened on January 9th!

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