Mr. March

I know it is a little early for St. Patrick's day, but we thought Connor needed to pose for his March calendar page a little early this year -- in his kilt from Uncle Davey. Now this is not just any kilt you see, it is a coozy kilt meant to go around your beer. Instead it went around the waist of our tiny infant!! We were crying as usual because come on the little guy is not big enough for a real kilt so Uncle Davey ordered him one that is meant to go around your beer can! I think we are going to have to save it for him as a present on his 21st birthday and we can tell him that is the very same one he wore in the NICU! Uncle Dave kept saying the description should read "to adorn your average beer can or premature infant!" We got a pretty big kick out of it!

We kind of can't contain ourselves when it comes to dressing the little man up -- he is so little, how can one resist?! He was far less excited about this one than the stocking pictures, but he still looks pretty darn cute! I can't help but love the little chicken legs sticking out from underneath the kilt -- a little too cute for me to handle! He was a little fussy after the photo shoot and I just HAD to hold him for an hour afterwards to calm him down :) You know, because I really minded! Ha! I could hold the little man all day long and just for the record, he already has us wrapped around his sweet little fingers!

4 Years

Four years ago today we lost a huge part of our Lawton family dynamic. It was a devastating shock, one that I don't think we will ever truly get over. You get on with your life and everything is okay, but you never stop thinking about the person you lost and you never forget them. The anniversaries have slowly gotten a little easier to handle and I have to say that it was really nice this year to be able to think about some memories and whisper them to Connor while he was eating. I will talk more about those in just a moment.

We had a tough day yesterday at the hospital -- everything is fine, just a day of worrying over some tests -- but it really made me realize how much I appreciate the people in my life. My mom is the most amazing person I have ever met and I really don't think I will ever meet anyone else quite like her. She is so strong and amazing and takes everything in stride. I would not be the person I am today without her and she is always the first person I call when I am upset or have exciting news to share. After Connor was born I really could only make one phone call (I needed to be good so that I could be wheeled in to see the little man) and I couldn't wait to call my mom and tell her that she was a grandma to the most beautiful baby boy I had ever seen. She was so excited and I just couldn't wait for her to get here to see him. My brother is also quite amazing. He is Connor's godfather and I truly could not think of anyone I would trust more. He is going to teach him so many things and be a person he can look to for advice when he doesn't feel comfortable talking to boring old momma and daddy. He is the best brother I could ever ask for and has been a rock for me to lean on when I needed it and constant entertainment when the time calls for it. One of the best memories I have is he and George tearing it up at our wedding -- it makes me happy just thinking about it. In these four years since my dad has left us, I have added two more people to our little family, Bj and Connor. I think its pretty obvious, but I think Bj is the most wonderful husband and father out there. He makes me laugh and smile and I love any situations and memories I have to share with him. He takes care of me and makes me happy. I couldn't ask for anything more. I can't wait to grow old with him and see where the adventures of parenthood take us in the future. Connor, our newest addition, is simply amazing. I still can't quite believe that we created him -- he is perfect in every way. I know we all just can't wait to watch him grow into a sweet little boy, toddler, teenager and man. It is going to be an amazing journey. He has my dad's middle name and I know that he will be watching over him and taking care of him.

I was talking to Connor while I fed him today and I was telling him some of the things I miss about my dad. As I am now a momma with a little baby, I have been singing "Rock A Bye Baby" to Connor and it made me think of all the times my dad sang it to me. I can remember him rocking me and thinking I was asleep, putting me down, only to have me make up to hear it just one more time. I miss calling my mom at work and pretending to be different people -- she would play along though she always knew it was us. I miss our lunch dates -- we had quite a few and I really miss that time with him. Overall, I just miss him -- his laugh, his smile, his love of music and his family. I can't wait to tell Connor all about him. He was a wonderful dad and I miss him everyday...I love you pops!

3 Weeks Old!

It is still pretty hard to believe that instead of being three weeks away from my due date, I have a three week old son! I know we will get used to it, I think it will just make it more real when we are able to take the little man home!

He is doing really well! He has been put on a 26 calorie diet and another concentrate has been added to his food in an effort to beef him up! He has been doing great, he has gained at least one ounce (sometimes more!) for the last four days. He is now up to 4lbs 9oz -- doing so great! He has been doing awesome with his feedings too! He has even started taking full bottles, he is so big we can't stand it! He has become a little feisty the last few days and one of his favorite pastimes is grabbing on his oxygen tubes and yanking them out of his nose. He prefers to "oxygenate his eyeballs" as the nurses say or just wear the nasal cannula above his nose, below his nose or both in one nostril. We figure why not, he must know when he needs it and when he doesn't. I must say I prefer him pulling on that instead of his feeding tube. Apparently he and the little boy across the hall had a contest to see who could pull it out -- I think Connor lost, he only got his half way out. That is all the excitement that we have going on here. We are just anxiously awaiting the arrival of all of our guests this month -- Uncle Dave today, Auntie, The Johnson's, Jennifer, Steph and Granny! We are going to stay nice and busy and we like it that way! Daddy started his vacation yesterday and it has been really nice having him around. We are getting quite comfortable holed up at the hospital these days! We laugh, if only we could bring Scout and Sedona we would be set! Here are a few pictures from today!

This last picture is important because it is the face of a very clean little baby in a milk slumber after finishing his whole bottle! Way to go Connor -- we are so proud of you! Keep up the good work and we will be home in no time!

Below is a little video of Connor man as he was snoozing after lunch today. He just looked to sweet and peaceful as he was dreaming away. You can see him doing one of his favorite things -- pulling on his oxygen tube and or feeding tube. Last night he was so hungry he was trying to eat his hand, the oxygen tube and my boob :) Enjoy!

Sweet Dreams...

Things Momma Has Never Heard...

"You are falling off the charts in the weight department and we need to fatten you up. Let's bump up your calorie intake..."

Yep, one of those things I have never and probably will never hear from a doctor! But, can you guess what cute little man has heard it from his doctors?! That's right, Connor Francis Johnson is not even in the 10th percentile when it comes to weight and now needs 26 extra calories added to his food per ounce and all the fatty breast milk momma can produce (commonly referred to as "hind milk" for those of you wondering!) I just got a kick out of it...I wish we could switch metabolism's, I would happily give him mine and take his in exchange! Other than needing to beef up a little bit he is doing wonderful. Just hanging out growing, sleeping and eating -- all those things a little baby should. He is just perfect and we love all 4lb. 8oz. of him! Some shots of him snoozing away in momma's lap while he is eating...sweet little guy, he looks so cozy!

Little Bear

Many of you may know that I love nicknames (and knowing people's middle names, but that is neither here nor there) and pretty much if I say your name often don't be surprised if I change it or rearrange or add something to it. I even thought about nicknames when it came to naming Connor...who does that?!

Well, I have found myself calling Connor man "little bear" -- it just came our of nowhere but anytime I stumble into the little guys room, I nine times out of ten call him "little bear". It finally occurred to me when one of the doctors asked if she could come in and check him out even though he was sleeping and I replied "sure, but he might growl at you". It clicked -- he growls like a little bear sometimes! It's pretty cute in my opinion (and I like to think the opinion of others) but I also find it pretty funny! He is very expressive and talkative (already taking after him momma -- heaven help all of us if he is as sensitive, emotional and as talkative as his momma!!) and when he is woken from his slumber he tends to growl a little bit, also when he stretches out. Connor also has lots of different faces -- sometimes he looks worried, deep in thought, and happy. He likes to smile, (I think it might be gas -- he is kind of a stinky man) but he likes to smile at us and whatever it is, it looks like a smile and I will take it! He is just a really sweet little man and I do love watching him "be" everyday! We can't wait for the day we can take him home and show him all of the exciting things at home -- especially his big brother and sister! So, in honor of the nickname we took a picture of him with his own little bear!

We have started taking pictures of Connor next to his bear (a sweet gift from Rob and Mary!) so we can track just how much he is growing, we thought it would be kind of a fun thing to look back on and a great way to how much progress the little guy is making in the growing department!